hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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