I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
