he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
