I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
