More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
