please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
