Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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