then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Two words: blizzard sex
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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