WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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