so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
