It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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