I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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