Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I deserve this hangover.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
