Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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