so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
