i barfeds in our rink
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
