I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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