you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
