Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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