Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
