just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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