New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
