I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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