Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
