So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
