Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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