his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
