I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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