We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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