Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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