I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
