I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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