Dual....:-)
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
