so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
COCAINE IS GR8
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