So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize