Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
