Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He better not be in your backpack
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
