I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize