Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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