Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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