I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
