Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
