Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
