I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
