Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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