It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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