My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
