He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
