It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
