bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
