dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
