just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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