if you like me you must not know who I am
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
