Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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