He had one of those small greek statue penises
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
