u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
