i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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