are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
