and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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