i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
