Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She bit a glass in half.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
