i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
